Day 13 ~ Parenting

My partner of eight years and I are taking a seven-week parenting class, along with other fifty parents from our school district. Today we discussed beliefs, where they come from, and how they inform our feelings. A parent struggled with getting her son to keep a clean and tidy room, and she would often give in and clean it for him. "I can't stand seeing his mess. Besides, I want to teach him to be independent." The parent's belief: "To do well in life, one needs to have a clean room." The facilitator pointed out there is nothing wrong with that belief, but she needs to be aware that it is her belief what's making her feel bad. "You're cleaning the room for you. Besides, how is that teaching him to be independent?" he said. Other than the awareness that behind every feeling, there is a belief, the parenting lesson is to pay attention to modeling. Our tens are watching us and forming their own beliefs, based on our values, which they learn from what we say and do. Their today's beliefs will trigger their tomorrow's feelings.