Day 100 ~ Completion

This will be my last paragraph, my last "brushstroke." It took some perseverance to write one hundred, and more so, to write one per day, not skipping any days. But this wasn't as big a commitment as when I wrote the book. Doing that at a time when I needed to care for a toddler required a lot of determination. I was lucky to find a great daycare to leave my son two mornings a week. I had visited another one and I had a list of three others to evaluate, but once I met the owner of the second one, I looked no more. Not only did we connect in that we both had suffered in ways most people around us don't, but I also immediately noticed how she could really listen, give me her undivided attention. I was sure this was the one place where I could leave my son. A few weeks after we met, she offered to keep him an extra hour or two free of charge on days where she didn't have many children. Invaluable. I would write and write, some days producing one thousand words. It took me four years to come up with a first full draft. Granted, it was a long manuscript (800 pages). I revised my work for three months and then handed it to a professional editor. Like with the daycare, I interviewed several but I knew from the beginning who would be "the one." I needed someone with a special sensitivity for my project, and only she had it. She took about five weeks to do her work. I spent almost a whole year going over all her comments, to polish, to refine, to give shape, to find titles and quotes. After that, I asked her for a last pass, which took her nine months (setback from a difficult personal situation). The last month was formatting for me. All in all, the book was a six-year commitment. Mission accomplished. Both then and now.

Day 99 ~ Remembrance

Last night when I was getting in bed at 1:20 am, a text from my dad arrived. He remembered my special date, my wedding seventeen years ago, and sent special prayers for my deceased husband and for me. "Thanks for remembering it. You'll likely be the only person to do it." It's been more than twelve years since my husband died and a long time since I stopped expecting people to remember it. But I definitely appreciate when they do. My dad's message inspired me to do something different this year. Why not helping my friends remember instead of being sorry to celebrate alone? So before going to sleep, I texted a few friends to remind them. This morning I found my dad's response with a reference to today's Catholic calendar, the Holy Innocents. "Today a good man (=holy), innocent of any crime or evil comes to mind. God asked him for his life in full youth and He will reward him the way only He can do it, with life everlasting." I cried. Nobody in this world moves me the way my dad can. As I started reading other messages that had arrived while I was sleeping, the tears mixed with the smiles. One friend put it in simple but no less touching words: "A lovely day to remember."

Day 98 ~ Negotiation

Today I booked travel and lodging to attend a three-day tango festival with my boyfriend in February. I thought of asking the airbnb host to give us a discount--why not--and it worked! I wanted a better discount, but oh well, five percent is better than nothing. Six and a half years ago I cut a better deal, but that apartment had just been put on the market and we were staying nine nights, so I had more leverage. I like negotiating. It is challenging but I do well. I wouldn't mind doing that for a living. A year ago a friend of my son's was at home for a sleepover and after dinner, he unexpectedly said that he wanted to be taken to his home. He didn't seem upset, he said it all calm, but very adamant, so I suspected something was up. I kept my cool too and just offered him to talk to me privately for a moment. After almost an hour of digging into feelings with him, talking and crying, and ultimately laughing, we went back to the living room. Nobody could believe that the boy had changed his mind. I was relieved.

Day 97 ~ Dreams

Wouldn't it be great to know what dreams mean? I often know where I get the bits from, but hardly ever piece them together to get a message. Years ago I heard somewhere that they contained our wishes and our fears, and I believe it is so. Last night my character showed up, like many other times. And I spoke up. I said what I needed to say. I demanded the answer to a question I'll never get to ask in real life. So yes, my dream had a wish, courage for me and mercy from my character.

Dat 96 ~ Christmas

Normally, this day is spent with my parents. Last year, my boyfriend's father was also in town. Today will be very different. First, it will just be us and a dear friend. Second, we won't have traditional Christmas fare. Instead, our friend brought Frankfurt sausages, a home-made potato salad, and a creamy dessert he made with our passion fruits. He also bought beer and a low-alcohol drink for my son. My only contribution was a veggie side dish that I made with kale, onion, tomato... and a lot of love. Wonderful, Merry Christmas!

Day 95 ~ Buffet

I don't think I can be called a meat lover, but I am definitely a grilled meat lover. Today it occurred to me to take the family to a Brazilian steakhouse for a treat. I was going to say that it is an original way to spend Christmas Eve, but I just realized that it is the same thing we did a year ago. Only then, we went for dinner, to a different place, and with a bunch of relatives. Another difference with last year was that the come-give-me-food signs were not per table, but individual. I made a quick trip to the salad buffet before starting my banquet, but only to get farofa (fried yuca flour), which I love. Then we all turned our cards to green and the parade of seventeen meats started. I liked their bottom round the most, perhaps because it was the first cut we were offered and I was hungry. Well done it is for me--defying the canons of meat cooking is of no concern to me. We rounded our feast with pão de queijo (cheese bread made of tapioca starch), mashed potatoes, fried banana, and baked pineapple.

Day 94 ~ Movies

I haven't had a TV connection for years. I don't have much time, and I find there are much more interesting things to do in life. In the past, I would get the basic channels that could be received with a regular antenna. But a decade ago, when the big switch from analog to digital TV happened in my area, I decided not to get the converter, since I wasn't watching anything anyway. So I've been pretty much TV-free for the past twenty years. I do enjoy a good movie though. And this month, coinciding with an "Amazon Prime" trial I signed up for, we have been watching movies almost every night. Some I had never watched, some I wanted to share with my family, like Green Fried Tomatoes. Although I favor good stories, I wanted to choose from a variety of genres, to educate my son. For that reason, I included an old western (Johnny Guitar, 1954), an old musical (Holiday Inn, 1942), and a environmental documentary (Tomorrow, 2017). All turned out to be great movies. I intended to show him an excellent suspense movie (Wait until Dark, 1967), but he was too scared, so only my boyfriend and I watched it. His all time favorite, and I understand, is It's a Wonderful Life.