Day 37 ~ Motherhood

In the past 36 days, I have mentioned my son more than a third of the days. But I haven't explicitly talked about our relationship. One of the traits that makes it remarkable is that we allow each other to fail. I may make the same mistakes my parents made with me, but the very moment I realize, I apologize. It happens rarely, but this morning I lost it when I saw my son do something he had never done. In a matter of seconds I found myself yelling like a banshee. He started crying and asking me how yelling would help and why I wanted to hurt him. I paused. First I tried to justify my behavior, then I said, "I don't need to yell, there are better ways..." He continued crying. I immediately told him I would never want to make him suffer. "Come to me," I pleaded (not that he was far). It took him a moment, but I kept asking lovingly, remorseful. He came. I had him lie on my lap and apologized profusely, drying his tears. Nothing matters if I hurt my son's amazing heart. Nothing. I can't be right if I am making him suffer. I kept offering him affection and saying sorry for not having been able to handle the situation better. He apologized for the behavior that triggered me just minutes before. We went on to have a great day, always sure that nothing matters more than our relationship. With that in mind, the only thing we can do when we fall down is get up, fix the damage, and go on.